I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
BRING THE BAGELS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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