I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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