I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
