You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
