Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
