Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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