I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
