You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
