I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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