Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
