hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
