I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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