put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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