? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
