I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
