I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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