I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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