i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
