It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
