a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
