would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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