Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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