Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This house was built for laser tag.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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