nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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