That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love having hate sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
