No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
