I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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