I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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