so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
