Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
