Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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