living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
