Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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