dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
