You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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