At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
