Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
