The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
