i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
