Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
