Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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