Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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