So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
