My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
