i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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