U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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