quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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