you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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