Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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