Soap is not a condiment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
