I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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