If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
