Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You can't just leave with hair like that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
