Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
