Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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