Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
