dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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