i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
