i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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