Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
