he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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