there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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