Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
